Message #55

[piersdad]

 
how about we have a sort of great openings  thread
just imagine a story you are about to write and  you have just thought of a fantastic opening to it.

here is some famous ones.



http://wwwartandsole.smfforfree2.com/index.php/topic,2276.0/topicseen.html

 Perhaps one of my stories would  start better if I opened it with this


 My back was against the wall.
I was terrified as the monster approached me slowly climbing the steps, its glistening body shining in the afternoon sun.
black and prickly with 6 legs and long prickly feelers.
 With no where to run i could only yell for help.


 
edit
here is the story as I told it (first person)

Description a child’s perspective of a very scary thing--
   
I am never scared of any insect or critter because of an incident when I was about 5 years old.

We lived near bush-clad hills, and next to our back door was a blackberry bush.

Well, I was sitting on the porch step and enjoying the sun when a piece of blackberry bush about nine inches long started to walk toward me.
Well, you can imagine the terror of it. 
I was screaming my head off.

“Dad, dad, dad” as this ferocious bit of black berry bush started to climb the steps towards me, leaving me no where to go.
Just as it was about to touch me, with my back flattened against the wall, on tip toe, my brave dad appeared and grabbed me from this ferocious black berry plant walking towards me.
    Through the tears I pointed out the dreadful monster that was intent on getting me.
My dad started to laugh, and said I had met a very rare, and probably, by now, an extinct stick insect that imitated the prickles of a blackberry bush.
 Very gently dad picked up the horrible looking thing and soon I had the confidence to actually let it climb over me.
   After that we gently placed it back in to a nearby bush and since then I realized that insects are only really interested in themselves and not in humans.
Except flies that is.
 

The rewrite

My back was against the wall.
I was terrified as the monster approached me slowly climbing the steps, its glistening body shining in the afternoon sun.
Black and prickly with 6 legs and long prickly feelers.
 With no where to run i could only yell for help.
My father was nearby and my screams brought him running thinking i was in dir peril.

By this time the monster with its black prickly body, long legs, ferocious long waving feelers had nearly pounced on me.
  Dad appeared and burst into laughter as he picked up the tiny stick insect that looked exactly like a piece of blackberry bush.
   Soon I was calmer and made friends with this intriguing insect and we gently put it back in the Blackberry bush nearby