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QUANTAS problem reports

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Miss Magic
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« on: June 30, 2009, 05:43:45 pm »

Okay, I got this as an email  Cheesy made me laugh so I'll show it to y'all

Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Solutions:
 Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers. By the way Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a fatal accident.
   
    P = Problem logged by the pilot.
    S = Solution and action taken by the engineers
   
    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
   
    P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
    S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
   
    P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers
  lack normal seepage.
   
    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.
   
    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on backorder.
   
    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
   
    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
    S: Evidence removed.
   
    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.
   
    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
    S: That's what they're there for!
   
    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
   
    P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
    S: Suspect you're right.
   
    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
   
    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
   
    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
   
    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.
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Humans are like Slinkys- not good for much, but amusing to push downstairs

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RetroGen
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« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2010, 04:10:50 am »

You forgot most important one!

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2010, 04:17:41 am »

hahahaha, that is awesome! OMG, I actually laughed for once today.
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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]
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« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2010, 04:23:41 am »

If that's 1st time you laugh today, then you are way too damn serious!
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Miss Magic
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« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2010, 03:56:05 pm »

it isn't.... Sad
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Humans are like Slinkys- not good for much, but amusing to push downstairs
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« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2010, 03:34:51 am »

it isn't what? And I get really bored, then I don't laugh, so yeah. Love the
    P: Number 3 engine missing.
        S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


I think its just genius. Here, I'll find more.

Damn, you got them all. But on the subject of planes, watch this!


I love it!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8L2xqINCClY&feature=related



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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]
mollytime
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« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2010, 03:36:42 am »

HA! and this one.


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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]
Miss Magic
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« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2010, 04:27:42 am »

huh?
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Humans are like Slinkys- not good for much, but amusing to push downstairs
mollytime
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« Reply #8 on: December 05, 2010, 06:35:33 pm »

HEEEEEEY!!! when did we actually manage to put the videos in the post?Huh
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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]
mollytime
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« Reply #9 on: December 05, 2010, 06:40:08 pm »

Lol you've got to love our country's plane services!!!! hahaha!
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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]

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February 26, 2017, 08:29:23 am piersdad says: found i have still admin on this page  sadly storydad has dissappeared  thank goodness some of my stories are still about
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