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QUANTAS problem reports


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Author Topic: QUANTAS problem reports  (Read 409 times)
Miss Magic
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« on: June 30, 2009, 05:43:45 pm »

Okay, I got this as an email  Cheesy made me laugh so I'll show it to y'all

Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Solutions:
 Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers. By the way Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a fatal accident.
   
    P = Problem logged by the pilot.
    S = Solution and action taken by the engineers
   
    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
   
    P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
    S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
   
    P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers
  lack normal seepage.
   
    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.
   
    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on backorder.
   
    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
   
    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
    S: Evidence removed.
   
    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.
   
    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
    S: That's what they're there for!
   
    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
   
    P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
    S: Suspect you're right.
   
    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
   
    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
   
    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
   
    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.
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Humans are like Slinkys- not good for much, but amusing to push downstairs

RetroGen
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« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2010, 04:10:50 am »

You forgot most important one!

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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mollytime
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« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2010, 04:17:41 am »

hahahaha, that is awesome! OMG, I actually laughed for once today.
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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]
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« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2010, 04:23:41 am »

If that's 1st time you laugh today, then you are way too damn serious!
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Miss Magic
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« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2010, 03:56:05 pm »

it isn't.... Sad
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Humans are like Slinkys- not good for much, but amusing to push downstairs
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« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2010, 03:34:51 am »

it isn't what? And I get really bored, then I don't laugh, so yeah. Love the
    P: Number 3 engine missing.
        S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


I think its just genius. Here, I'll find more.

Damn, you got them all. But on the subject of planes, watch this!


I love it!







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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]
mollytime
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« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2010, 03:36:42 am »

HA! and this one.


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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]
Miss Magic
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« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2010, 04:27:42 am »

huh?
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Humans are like Slinkys- not good for much, but amusing to push downstairs
mollytime
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« Reply #8 on: December 05, 2010, 06:35:33 pm »

HEEEEEEY!!! when did we actually manage to put the videos in the post?Huh
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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]
mollytime
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« Reply #9 on: December 05, 2010, 06:40:08 pm »

Lol you've got to love our country's plane services!!!! hahaha!
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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]

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February 26, 2017, 08:29:23 am piersdad says: found i have still admin on this page  sadly storydad has dissappeared  thank goodness some of my stories are still about
December 02, 2012, 11:20:41 am piersdad says: we have a lot of people  just posting  some thing  never related to writing  and then advertizing their site on their profile  if this gets out of hand we could go viral and get 40 a day of this sort of person spamming the site
May 17, 2012, 09:05:50 pm terrimcintyre says: How is your book doing, Jennifer? Did you see my review on Amazon?
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so how many have we got now?
January 05, 2011, 04:24:06 pm Miss Magic says: Loss of members: I entered everyone's names into a listed spammer database due to suspicious joining. Sadly, those that I found with 3 or more hits on that site have been banned and removed from MM's Forum
December 13, 2010, 02:52:43 pm mollytime says: WHERE DID ALL THE SHOUTS GO??
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I have a few more chapters of The New Beginning to put up in a few days Smiley I'm amazed at all the new members!
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