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Sorry Y'all + Sneak Peek

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Miss Magic
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« on: August 11, 2009, 12:37:37 pm »

hey guys, sorry about being kinda quiet, I've been working on Trilife of late, hasn't given me much of a chance for short stories or poems
sooo, I thought I'd give you a look as to what I've been writing, here's the lastest draft:

I stared out in front of me, acutely aware of the hundreds of glares pointed at my back. It wasn’t my fault I was here, but the council needed someone to blame for my mothers crimes, and here I was- a perfect replica of her DNA, just as capable of performing the same feats as she did.
“Ravenna Morrigan, you are here before the Council of Elders on behalf of your mother, Crowessa Morrigan, who is responsible for the slaughter of clans Argayte, Shayana, Merideine…”
 I let the Judge’s voice trickle into the back of my head. Everyone knew what mother had done. Why did he have to read them out again? The back of my throat pricked, and I dug my nail into my wrist to keep from crying. My throat was raw, and my heart keened. I should be mad at her, I knew. She betrayed me, betrayed all of us! I should hate her, but she was mother; she was the Morrigan, the Crow, the Warrior.
“… and for committing the sin of dimension-jumping which is punishable by death!”
  The crowd behind me murmured. There hadn’t been a death sentence in several centuries.
The dwarf opened his mouth to speak again when the door to the court room burst open and a harried looking elf rushed in. He ran straight for the ruling council, oblivious to the guards who stepped forward, weapons raised.
Throwing a page onto the desk, he leaned forward and whispered something to
the head judge, who turned to the crowds, eyes wide,  “Upon account of new evidence, the ruling council will delay their judgement. The trial will reconvene on the Day of Suns”

As the crowds yelled out in anger, his eyes flicked towards me for the first time, taking in the ripped gown mother had given me, and the bloody streaks at my wrists where the shackles had dug into my skin.
I bared my teeth, and had the pleasure of seeing him shudder. Unlike my younger siblings, I took after mother in looks.
 “Remove the prisoner,” This new speaker was another elf, the only female on the council, “There is no need for it’s presence.”
‘It’s?’ ‘It’s?’ A snarl ripped through my teeth. This arrogant creature was talking about me! I was not ‘it!’ I was Ravenna Morrigan, daughter of the most fearsome warrior of all time! I would not be trifled with!


hmmm, yes
the navy sections are the parts I am not happy with atm, any suggestions?
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piersdad
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« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2009, 12:36:55 am »

seems ok to me gets my attention as to what happens next.
 
Quote
I bared my teeth, and had the pleasure of seeing him shudder. Unlike my younger siblings, I took after mother in looks.

this part seems to be sort of leave me wondering 
seems to not really fit into the previous bit
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the impossible now miracles a little longer
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« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2009, 02:42:34 am »

hmm you're right...
I think there may have been another paragraph that I deleted, and I most likely forogt to re-write that one
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« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2009, 02:45:47 am »

I stared out in front of me, acutely aware of the hundreds of glares pointed at my back. It wasn’t my fault I was here, but the council needed someone to blame for my mothers crimes, and here I was- a perfect replica of her DNA, just as capable of performing the same feats as she did.
“Ravenna Morrigan, you are here before the Council of Elders on behalf of your mother, Crowessa Morrigan, who is responsible for the slaughter of clans Argayte, Shayana, Merideine…”
 I let the Judge’s voice trickle into the back of my head. Everyone knew what mother had done. Why did he have to read them out again? The back of my throat pricked, and I dug my nail into my wrist to keep from crying. My throat was raw, and my heart keened. I should be mad at her, I knew. She betrayed me, betrayed all of us! I should hate her, but she was mother; she was the Morrigan, the Crow, the Warrior.
“… and for committing the sin of dimension-jumping which is punishable by death!”
  The crowd behind me murmured. There hadn’t been a death sentence in several centuries.
The dwarf opened his mouth to speak again when the door to the court room burst open and a harried looking elf rushed in. He ran straight for the ruling council, oblivious to the guards who stepped forward, weapons raised.
He leant against the desk, and murmured a hasty sentence at the Dwarven Judge, who’s pudgy face drained of colour until he resembled an uncooked dumpling. He glanced at me, his eyes taking in my hardened features and torn clothes. I bared my teeth, and had the pleasure of seeing him shudder, for unlike my younger siblings, I took after mother in looks, a fact he was now beginning to realise. 

 “Remove the prisoner,” This new speaker was another elf, the only female on the council, “There is no need for its presence.”
‘Its?’ ‘Its?’ A snarl ripped through my teeth. This arrogant creature was talking about me! I was not ‘it!’ I was Ravenna Morrigan, daughter of the most fearsome warrior of all time! I would not be trifled with!
Wrenching at the chains, I leapt towards the elf, taking everybody by surprise. Up until now, I had kept my feelings under control.
To give the guards credit, they were fast, but they were not me.


Changed that small area some
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piersdad
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« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2009, 10:59:20 pm »

ewww watch out elf
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« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2010, 03:06:58 am »

remind me to enter the rest of this story in at some point
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« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2010, 03:38:44 am »

PUT THE REST OF THE STORY IN NOW.
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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]
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« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2010, 04:34:16 pm »

urp!
The New Beginning!
it's upish it's upish!
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« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2010, 03:16:56 am »

yeah? Then what happened?
And love the giving credit to the guards. It gives it a good twist. It makes you want to read more.
MORE, I say, MORE!
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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]
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« Reply #9 on: April 15, 2010, 03:06:40 pm »

*cowers and scrambles to write some more*
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« Reply #10 on: July 10, 2010, 08:39:32 pm »

and while you're at it, change the emo/evil background. You can NOT read blue on a black back ground. it does my head in.
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elmo loves wasabi, that's why elmo has no eyelids[quoted by elmo]

say ha:HA! Say it again: HA!
Put it together and what have you got?:HA HA!
And they said I couldn't make you laugh...
[Quoted on Live For Peace]
Miss Magic
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« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2010, 01:09:12 am »

nao! it's my forum!!
I'll change it later >.<
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February 26, 2017, 08:29:23 am piersdad says: found i have still admin on this page  sadly storydad has dissappeared  thank goodness some of my stories are still about
December 02, 2012, 11:20:41 am piersdad says: we have a lot of people  just posting  some thing  never related to writing  and then advertizing their site on their profile  if this gets out of hand we could go viral and get 40 a day of this sort of person spamming the site
May 17, 2012, 09:05:50 pm terrimcintyre says: How is your book doing, Jennifer? Did you see my review on Amazon?
May 31, 2011, 12:52:28 am Miss Magic says: thanks piersdad
May 30, 2011, 09:41:00 pm piersdad says: Oledakit is the cupprit and ip banned as well as the name
May 30, 2011, 09:39:24 pm piersdad says: removed heaps of spam this morning
January 25, 2011, 11:18:53 pm mollytime says: awwww.
so how many have we got now?
January 05, 2011, 04:24:06 pm Miss Magic says: Loss of members: I entered everyone's names into a listed spammer database due to suspicious joining. Sadly, those that I found with 3 or more hits on that site have been banned and removed from MM's Forum
December 13, 2010, 02:52:43 pm mollytime says: WHERE DID ALL THE SHOUTS GO??
I win.
December 13, 2010, 05:26:40 am Miss Magic says: wow!
I have a few more chapters of The New Beginning to put up in a few days Smiley I'm amazed at all the new members!
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